Why Advocate for Gender Equality? It’s for My Boys

As I’ve embarked on launching CEOX to advocate for more women in CEO positions, I’ve received a surprisingly frequent question: Aren’t you worried about your boys? I’m the mother of two sons, ages 13 and 9, and that question has made me reflect on what my advocacy means for them, for me and society at large.

I think when people ask me that, they are genuinely concerned for my boys specifically, and for men at large in an era of equality for women. I’ll come back to that in a moment. But first, of course, I worry about my boys all the time. I worry about their health and their self-esteem and whether they’re eating enough. I worry about their grades and if they are going to be hurt playing sports. I worry that as I’ve started working more as they have gotten older, that I am not as good of a mom as I once was. I really worry about the men that they will become. Are my husband and I teaching them the balance of when to be strong and when to be vulnerable? Are we teaching them that being vulnerable is being strong? Are we teaching them to work hard in life, but also to take time to enjoy it?

But so while I deal with the uncertainty that plagues modern parenting, I don’t worry that my advocacy on behalf of women is going to negatively impact them. The implied notion behind the question regarding being worried about my boys is that with more women in leadership positions, my boys, and men, in general, will have fewer job and leadership opportunities. Maybe that is a valid concern, but for society as a whole, we don’t want mediocre men in leadership, when a more qualified woman would do a better job. I am happy to help create a playing field that is competitive and one in which skills and abilities are the main factors in excelling—not gender. This idea also makes me hellbent on NOT raising mediocre men! 

I will be honest and admit that I hope more women in leadership make it harder for unqualified men to rise to the top because that benefits everyone. I don’t expect that to be the problem for my sons, but if it is then they will have to do the best with what they have. I expect having more competition for top spots will inspire a lot of extra commitment and dedication so that they drive to be the best. When my oldest son was born, he was HUGE. He has remained aver 100% on the growth charts through his 13 years and we have bets on how tall he will eventually be. I regularly received advice from friends to beware that people will think he is much older than he really is and expect more of him. I always replied, “Good! I hope my son rises to those expectations.” (He has by the way.) 

I also hope my boys have the opportunity to work for a woman in their career. I have many men in my life who talk about their favorite bosses being women, but the most compelling reason for this is that women have happier employees. Don’t we all want our kids to grow up happy? If they are happy in their jobs, I will be a very content mama. 

I hope that the societal changes that come with more women in politics, business, leadership, will significantly change the culture of toxic masculinity that I never want my sons to experience. Wouldn’t it be exceptional if men were allowed to show vulnerability and not always carry the emotional burdens of life so stoically? With more women leaders, the societal norms around that can shift to benefit all of us, but especially my boys.

I think when people ask me that question, they must not be able to imagine what true equality is. Instead, they think of equality as an inversion of the current power structure where women rule over men. But that is not equality, that is not what I am advocating for, and that is not what the world will look like when 51% of the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies are women. I imagine a world with true gender parity to be one where people are happier because they have flexibility in their work schedules to spend time with their family, where people are supported in their work, where vulnerability is seen as a strength, where more people love their jobs and feel supported.

Everything I do, from hustling them to school in the morning to making dinner each night, but especially in my advocacy for women, I’m doing for my boys. I want them to live in a better world, and a world where there is a balance of power and leadership will benefit them the most. So the next time I am asked: “But what about your boys?” I will reply, “They are exactly the reason I do what I do.”